whole day packed.
since sch hols started,
its been so long since i felt so busy.
recently things have really not been going
on well at all.
maybe its cause everything is
cropping up at the same period.
like what people say:
祸不单行。
problems always come in a package.
never alone.
i tink a lot of things are affecting me
yesterday and today.
hence the mini emo session on the
train today.
i almost teared.
i could feel the tears come all the
way to the edge,
and i was struggling the whole
train trip.
not to cry again in a public location.
lucky in the end i held it in.
worse is so many things are going on,
i cant even pinpoint what exactly made
me so upset on the train.
grandad's eye check up,
and then the operation today,
and the mini squabbles from before
operation to after operation,
my cap, adding to me RAWR-ness,
the fact yesterday was 2212,
yes 2212,
and just a general 无奈感
but a lot of things.
i admit im disappointed with my cap.
missed my aim by a tiny bit.
but oh well.
cant help it.
just work harder next sem i guess.
2212.
everytime i see the shirt i made with elina,
i feel so upset,
but i cant bear to throw away the shirt.
i hope he didnt.
but i can only hope.
i dunno what elina did with her shirt.
but somehow,
the shirt has the ability to hide itself
somewhere in my cupboard i rarely see.
cause apparently,
after sept,
the shirt more or less disappeared,
and only appeared occasionally.
and i used to wear it all the time.
maybe its scared i might really
chuck it away.
after writing the xmas card today
i realised im not a person who can hide
things well.
maybe if im upset its diff to see.
but everything else is clear in the open.
cause i dunno how to keep things in one.
and even if i tried hard to not show it,
its quite obvious im not exactly
happy on the xmas card.
and i had a temptation to chuck away
the card on the way to the postbox.
but oh well.
i lazy to get another card so i figured just
send lor.
and the songs on my phone,
aka. mp3 player,
is not helping things at all.
esp yest and today.
hear alr.
i feel worse.
that day i walked pass suntec.
so long never go.
walked pass marvelous cream,
and the escalator.
the escalator where i cried,
where i pushed him away,
and the park near the esplanade
where we talked.
everytime i walk pass places like
these,
these images just keep flooding me.
till i leave the place.
its like somenever ending movie
reel that just never runs out until i
leave the particular location.
and sometimes as my parents shop,
its a bit impossible to go
"imgoingelsewherefindmelater"
and just do a disappearing act
there and then.
going pass simei is worse.
is like i can feel my heart being
wrenched out,
while the train passes simei mrt.
lucky i dont go there often.
i might just collapse one of these days.
